How to Start Dating After a Divorce

This is a topic a lot of y’all have actually brought up in my DMs in the last few years so I thought it could be helpful to put out there for anyone going through a divorce or is a single parent, or heck, maybe just single and looking for some dating advice. Relationships are hard but specifically, after a divorce, I think the biggest thing to remember is you need time to heal and that it’s not the end for you or your love life. It’s a new beginning.

I realize I’m writing this from an extremely blessed circumstance because I did eventually get my “happily ever after”, but know that I remember the struggle clear as day and feel for any of y’all going through it right now. I hope this advice is helpful!

Feel deserving, be picky and know your worth

Girl, you are a solid 10 so don’t go thinking maybe if you lower your standards you’ll finally meet someone. You are so, SO worthy of an amazing guy, and I think it’s super important to remind yourself of this daily. Whether your divorce was ugly or friendly, remember your worth and don’t go dating anyone just for the sake of saying you went on a date.

Be open to “modern dating”

Dating is so different now – you can swipe right or left on someone faster than you can tie your shoe! It’s a wild world and you have to be willing to jump into it headfirst. Orvil and I met on Bumble believe it or not so know that it can work!

put yourself out there but don’t overshare

Put yourself out there with confidence and think about being the person you would want to date. That means you need to take care of yourself, dress up, be kind and don’t unload your past. The last thing a dude wants to hear is all about your ex. Of course there will eventually be a time and a place to talk about your pasts, but the first date (or even the first 10 dates) is not it.

keep it classy

It has to be said: Don’t give the goods away too early – no matter how long it’s been.

Have fun without the pressure

Even if you are seriously looking for “the one”, don’t holler it from the rooftops. You can know what you’re looking for and still have fun with dating while also not putting pressure on yourself or the guy. In my experience, the fireworks happen naturally and when you least expect it, not when you force it.

Love your freaking self

The silver lining of getting divorced is it’s a fresh start and an opportunity for some major self-care. Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually – all the things – and then love yourself so hard. Because if you don’t love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?

Throw your checklist out the door

This does not mean throw your standards out the door. But if you go into every date with all these boxes a partner must check, good luck to you because, in my opinion, you’re setting yourself up for failure. You absolutely have to be openminded, especially when dating people that might come with extra baggage like kids or an ex-spouse of their own. There are really good people out there that still won’t be “perfect”, so as hard as it may be, nix the checklist and just get to know them.

Don’t go dating a broke guy!!!

Alright, this might sound harsh, but the last thing you want to do is support someone else. You need a teammate, a partner! Someone who has their sh*t together. He doesn’t have to have a lot of money or drive a fancy car but definitely needs to have his bills paid. And the same can be said for us women. Divorce comes with a lot of messiness – finances included – but get your ducks in a row and be the strong, independent woman I know you are.

This probably isn’t your traditional dating post, but dating after divorce isn’t super traditional, or maybe it is these days LOL. Either way, these are the things that helped me navigate that time in my life so I hope they can do the same for you!